


Say Hello to Your Many Goodbyes

by iOnlyDateSuperheroes (QueenUndertheBloodyMountain)



Series: And Nightmares Shall Plague Him [2]
Category: Marvel (Movies), Marvel Cinematic Universe, captain america: the winter soldier - Fandom
Genre: Aftermath of Violence, Canon Divergence, Damn you Jack Rollins, Deceased Spouse, F/M, I thought I was done with this series, MINOR DESCRIPTIONS OF VIOLENCE, Mild Language, Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder - PTSD (hinted), apparently not
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-06-10
Updated: 2016-06-10
Packaged: 2018-07-14 04:11:24
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 2
Words: 1,020
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/7152992
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/QueenUndertheBloodyMountain/pseuds/iOnlyDateSuperheroes
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>The results of his actions are getting to him, and Jack isn't really sure about anything anymore.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Saying Goodbye

**Author's Note:**

> So I inadvertently lied, I guess Jack just wasn't done with me yet :l  
> Beta'd by the amazing [scarlettvision](http://archiveofourown.org/users/scarlettvision/pseuds/scarlettvision)

The service was very small and private; all of Strike team showed up, not only because it would have looked odd if they hadn’t—for Jack _and_ for her—but they _had_ respect her, even if she was the only non-Hydra agent on the team. She could kick ass as well, if not better, than almost any of them.

Jack stood up and spoke about first meeting her, of having doubted her ability to keep up with the rest of the team. He even admitted to having been, and he quoted, “—a chauvinistic jackass who was more worried that a girl was on the team, than the fact she was the only one to give him a bloody nose”.

He talked about how his wife was the only one who could tease him and it never bother him, and he even spoke a little about his proposal to her, although he kept most of it to himself. He didn’t want to go down that road today.

His face softened a little when he talked about the day he married her, and how eloping was actually her idea and not his. How they had known what it was like to be alone for so long after losing both their parents, and that they really only wanted each other at the ceremony, just like they did in life. And he spoke about how gorgeous she had looked in that dress.

Fury was the one who handed him the folded up flag, as he did to every spouse and relative to deceases SHIELD agents; he scrutinized Jack carefully and, for a moment, Jack was almost tempted to be worried that Fury had seen right through everything.

Cap and Widow showed their respects as well; Rogers was sincere in his condolences, not only had he worked closely with her, but he had even become friends of sorts with her. He wasn’t entirely sure what Natasha’s relationship had been with his wife, but he knew they shared a lot of the same humor and jokes in Russian. And Widow gave him that same look that Fury had. Once again, Jack was a little worried he’d somehow given something away. His grief though, was real; no matter what Hydra, or SHIELD, or anybody else thought they knew, Jack Rollins really had loved his wife.

Not even Brock bothered him as he stood next to the fresh grave, coat and tie hanging off his arm as he just stared at the headstone. When his hands shook just a little too much, and his eyes started to sting, he sat down next to it before his legs threatened to give out, and just leaned on the cold marble. He stayed that way well after the sun had gone down.

**-TBC-**


	2. Distracted

Jack hit the matt again with a low grunt, snarling at the ceiling; he hauled his ass back up off the matt. _Again._

“Hit the showers Rollins, you’re no good to me here if you’re distracted.”

“Fuck off Rumlow; again,” Jack demanded, getting into position for what felt like the hundredth time.

Brock’s smile was sharp and cruel as he took Jack down again, arm braced on the taller man’s windpipe. A newbie agent would have probably put up a better defense.

“Like I said, distracted.”

He offered his hand to Jack to help him up, but Jack just slapped it away, pushing himself back onto his feet on his own.

“Look, Rollins—“

“Don’t.” Jack growled, baring his teeth at Brock.

“I know you loved her bu—“

Jack’s fist connected solidly with Brock’s nose; it wasn’t broken, but the little bit of blood made him smirk in cold satisfaction. Brock wiped the blood on his pants and smiled again, looking like a mean ass dog that was fed up with it’s owner’s shit.

“Alright Jack, if it’s what’s gonna get your fucking head in the game.”

Brock moved fast, faster than Jack; an elbow to the face took Jack off guard, and two solid punches in the kidney winded him enough for Brock to land a kick into Jack’s solar plexus. He rolled and flipped back onto his feet, blocking Rumlow’s knee and elbow shot before grabbing the Alpha leader’s arm and twisting it behind his back. Brock rammed his head into Jack’s chin and twisted out of the weakened hold, knee hitting it’s mark this time in Rollins’ exposed stomach. Brock grabbed Jack round the middle as he hunched over from the shot, and literally flipped them both down onto the matt on their backs. Jack momentarily saw stars before Brock’s forearm was pressed tight to his throat again, knees pinning Jack fully this time. The pressure was just a little tighter this time though, cutting off Jack’s air until Rumlow decided to let up.

“You know she was right Rollins; they would’a made you put that bullet in her head, but not until they let those damn maniacs from medical on her to play. It was painless and quick, what you done; so you need to get your head back in the game before they start thinkin’ you actually did give a crap. I’m surprised they even bought that cock-and-bull story of a break-in.”

Rumlow let go of Jack’s neck finally, standing up fluidly and staring back at his best friend and best agent. Jack didn’t meet his eyes, glaring at the far wall of the gym with a clenched jaw.

“Our loyalty—”

“I know!” Jack snapped, and then added quietly, “I know where our loyalties lie; that hasn’t changed.”

“Good, now go get a shower, you reek.” Brock shot him a smirk that Jack only half returned, not really worried about keeping up pretenses in front of Brock.

After a moment he rolled over and pushed himself back up onto his feet before heading to the showers. He knew Rumlow was right, about all of it; but that didn’t mean he couldn’t wish that things had been different.

He needed to figure out how to say his goodbyes and let her go, even if his nightmares probably weren’t going to let him anytime soon.

**~FIN~**


End file.
